i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
