pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
