Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
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I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
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I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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