There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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