Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I didn't notice because vodka
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
