remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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