I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
