Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
