I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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