so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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