honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
