my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
