Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
