We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
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We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
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Pants are for mortals
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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