FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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