I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
