just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
