I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
