the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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