After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
