i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
