i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
