It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
not ubering you a puppy
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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