Reggie can tackle my bush.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
