At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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