you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
