2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
