I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
