did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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