Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
