Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
this will be a night to untag.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
