also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
