hell yes lets make some ravioli
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
