I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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