btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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