Pappa wants mamma naked
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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