She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
