My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
