dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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