So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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