omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
