is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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