Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
