I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
