Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
