I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
