How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
