I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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