so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
