You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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