wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
