I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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