from now on my penis is your penis
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
