Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
