Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
