I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
