apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
