just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
