Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
