I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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