Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
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Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
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We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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