i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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