i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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