I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
