I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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