I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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