i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
