My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
