At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
