you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
