i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
