oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize