They should really pass out barf bags in church
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
