Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
