I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
