sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
